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The kinda girl. like me.
WeELL.
It's almost 10. should really sleep early. esp since my headache nv got better. sighz. sometimes i hate all these. why can't i be like a sport person. Or at least someone who enjoys jogging and netball. or something. I feel so stupid at times okay. like all the time. though i know it's hereditary and stuff like dat. but still. It gets irritating la. when pple keep viewing u as super weak and stuff like dat. And sometimes i even feel that i am a burden to pple arnd me. Than i wished i was some super genius kid who can do algebra at the age of 3 and invent something at the age of 5. And play about ten million instruments by the time she's 17. Or some smart kid that can understand something like econs. Or can actually mug properly, knowing exactly what she is reading. all the time. And be all serious and intellectual and grow up being a career woman. I also wished i was the kinda super heck care kinda person. Like u can die in front of me and it wont even affect me. Like the kinda person with a heart of steel and stone. Like completely void of emotions and relationships do not matter at all. Because always caring is tiring. and a completely stupid thing. which i simply cannot stop doing. which means i am tired and stupid. Like i care so much abt pple but at the end of the day, the person prob doesn even noe u exist. And if i had no feelings, i wouldn feel the pain, the hurt, the toll of everyday life, the sorrow, the nostalgic feeling and the neglected, left out feelings.... i would be completely void of all that. along with joy, warmth and love. So i'm sorry. i cant be someone i am not. i'm sorry. i cant start being exceptionally sensible and super intellectual and all serious. I'll forever be a girl-next-door. the kinda girl many many pple like, but prob nobody loves. The kinda girl that just cares and loves her friends the way they are and started to learn to disregard the fact that they dont reciprocate nor care. The kinda girl that is not a dare-devil, but a boring boring person. The kinda girl that is not strong, not fit and quite easy to bully. The kinda girl that always gets herself hurt in the course of doing something that might benefit a certain someone. And end up with bleeding wounds and cuts and bruises. But a smile on her face, just because she put one on that person's face. The kinda girl that gets touched easily, by books, films and songs. The kinda girl that is constantly sleeping, dreaming, or day-dreaming. The kinda girl still with a hope for happily ever after. The kinda girl that still lives in her own fantasy world with castles amongst the clouds and green green pastures with cows grazing. A girl who had her self-confidence wrecked about a million times, and is now trying to re-build it. A girl who lived in a nightmare for many years till she saw a little light at the end of the tunnel. A girl who still holds on to her seemingly impossible dreams, because they are the reason she is where she is. A girl who loves just because. A girl like me. sorry i can't be as good as you. But if i were you. I wouldn be me. Joyce at 9:51 PM
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